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HANNAH K. K. - INTERVIEW #4
HOW TO ENAGE: WATCH by clicking the video up top, LISTEN by clicking the audio link below, or READ the interview by clicking here.
THE BREAKDOWN
0:00 - To see or not to see yourself. (Thank you Hannah for letting us see you!!)
5:45 - Hannah is a writer and an editor.
10:15 - She is living the dream - in phases!
15:30 - If I died today what would you do with my unfinished google docs?
22:00 - Her Dad was a (formal) spy.
28:00 - Queer Soccer! Click here (and find love?).
32:00 - Learning to lead.
40:00 - Working with the unknown. It’s not for everybody.
43:30 - What is Hannah working on? A woman undone.
DEBRIEF:
Something that I have a very difficult time with is presenting myself coherently and in a manner that is not dripping with self depreciation and deep existential confusion. Because of this I have an enormous appreciation for people who are able to speak confidently and, more importantly, honestly about who they are and how they do what they do. The second thing that I have a very difficult time with is, being comfortable with, and articulating clearly, the fact that I am both an artist myself but also enjoy (and make money) by supporting other artists. Over the years I have felt pressure (from various sides) to pick a lane, any lane, and just stay in it. I appear however to be incapable of doing that. As a human, I’m all over the road - which is maybe why I don’t know how to drive.
Regardless, something I admire about Hannah K. K. is not only that she is quite good at what she does (which is many things) but the way in which she presents herself and how she manages all the things is just so god damned practical and confident. Being a writer is hard, building a business is hard, creating community is hard, and developing the tenacity and courage to learn the skills and deal with the obstacles that come with doing all of these things at the same time is HARD. And yet, she does it, one step at a time.
The way that I see it, you have two main groups of obstacles (that you can control) to getting something done. First, you have the internal obstacles which include the voice(s) in your head that say - YOU CANNOT DO THIS. DON'T TRY. YOU SUCK. Then you have the second group of obstacles, which are external and have to do with the practical on the ground management of completing the project or task, like say creating an excel sheet that details both a projected timeline for the project as well as your base budgetary needs and initial avenues for financing. Obviously the interaction between the first and second group of obstacles is a thing - in that one’s inability to organize practically might come from a variety of internal saboteurs. The struggle is real.
What I have learned from Hannah (who is I think ten years younger than me) pertains to both groups of obstacles. It pertains to what I want to call a frame of mind of sorts for being able to navigate the difficulties of getting anything that is personally meaningful, and also challenging, done. The three tactics I have gleaned are:
Value your work (If it’s not something you want someone to finish if you die, maybe don’t do it?)
Get organized, be practical, and reach out for help (Before you give up make sure you have attempted each of these things otherwise you didn’t really try.)
Be resilient and learn (The above two points are incredibly difficult, and the outcome of doing hard things is failing most of the time. Because of this, there is a real need to fall in love (in some capacity) with that process (of failing) and the gaining/integration of data that comes from it. Otherwise, you’re doomed from the start.)
My final bit of joy that I have gained from Hannah comes from the graceful and tempered way that she weaves together the various parts of her life: the writing of her novels and short stories, her many editorial clients, running a sporting organization, and you know, having an actual life outside of that. Temperance is something that I have never really considered employing as a lens through which to filter my life - but it seems practical to do so. Practical, another one I have struggled with. So here’s where I thank Hannah, for giving me permission to lean into the practicalities of it all, to enjoy the balancing act (maybe even take pride in it?), and to take care, one day at a time - cause that’s how you really get shit done.
LIST OF THINGS & THOUGHTS: (5 Bangin’ White Bitches Edition)
EDNA O’BRIEN - Blue Road: I love this woman. This past week I saw Blue Road: The Edna O’Brien story at DOC NYC (shout out to producer Katie Holly, another bangin’ white bitch). It is a documentary about the controversial Irish author who up to the point of watching the film I had never heard of. Honestly that means nothing as I am an absolutely ignorant human when it comes to reading. The only thing I will say is that this woman FUCKING RULES. Having not read her books, I can’t comment on her international acclaim (which speaks for itself), but what I will note is the difficult yet phenomenal life she led (acting at every turn in opposition to the culture that surrounded her) and the astounding power and freedom of her voice/spirit. She is the definition of a bad bitch (complicated, brilliant, and unstoppable) and knowing her story helps me to go on. Gonna read her memoir next.
MIRANDA JULY - All Fours: I love this book. I haven’t finished it, a minor factor in feeling confident enough to talk about it - but I have been ravaging it. Maybe because it’s about a woman over forty who’s desperate to ravage? To be ravaged? To desire. Not sure, but I feel a radical closeness to Miranda July as an interdisciplinary creature who exists in this world so it’s not surprising that a book she writes about struggling to hold onto/adapt to one’s dynamic selfhood as a creative aging woman would appeal to me. More on it once I finish.
HEATHER HAVRILESKY - Ask Polly: I love this newsletter. Formerly on The Cut, now a Substack, it’s an advice column and it has probably saved my life. I don’t know what that says about my life but all I can say is that when the world is crushing my soul Heather is ALWAYS there with the right words at the right time. This one is my current favorite. (@askmolly)
ELISE LOEHNEN - Pulling The Thread: I love this podcast. Elise explores the wondrous psycho-social and spiritual layers that make up the contradictory, horrific, and beautiful human condition. I appreciate her voice and her curatorial vision, and I like watching her struggle with her own ambition. This is a real good episode. (@eliseloehnen1)
ANNIE BAKER - Janet Planet: I love this movie. There are a lot of reasons to be taken by this film, a few among them being: the beautiful script, the amazing performances from Zoe Ziegler, Julianne Nicholson, and Will Patton and, most especially, the magical honesty that flows through it. Personally though, I feel like Annie Baker crawled inside my mind and ripped out random memories and feelings from my childhood and then strung together a gorgeous film out of them. It’s like she stole something from me but also made me a gift. So while it’s a little close to home for me, I am ultimately inspired by it and grateful that it exists. I hope Annie Baker makes more movies.
TO CONCLUDE:
Thank you Hannah, Heather, Elise, Miranda, Annie, and Edna for getting your shit done. You have each in your own ways passed something of yourself on to me via your work and presence in the world, and because of that, I am changed for the better.
“We all leave one another. We die, we change - it's mostly change - we outgrow our best friends; but even if I do leave you, I will have passed on to you something of myself; you will be a different person because of knowing me; it's inescapable...”
- Edna O’Brien (From Girl with Green Eyes)
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